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date/time субота, 31. јануар 2009.,22:38
Bakit kelangan pang basahin[wla nman itong kwenta]
Marami nang mga pagsubok ang dumating sa buhay ko. Marahil masasabi mo na ang lahat ng ito ay dahil lamang sa iisang bagay. At ito nga ay ang pag-ibig. Siguro magsasawa ka na kung ikukuwento ko pa. Alam ko naman na sa sobrang kadaldalan ng bibig ko, nasagap mo na lahat ng pinagdaanan ko. Alam ko naman na wala kang pakialam sa buhay ko. Kaya hindi ko na nararapat na isalaysay pa sa iyo ang buhay ko. Ang kototohanan wla nman tlagang kwenta itong post na ito, kaya nman kung ako sau hindi na ko na ito babasahin. Pero sige kung ninanais mo tlagang basahin ito, hindi na kita papakialaman. Kaya ko nga isinulat ito eh, para mabasa ng ibang tao. Pero anu nga ba tlaga ang ilalagay ko dito? Hmmm... miski ako ndi ko alam eh. Marahil ay masyado lamang marami ang iniisip at dinaramdam ko ngaun, kaya nman naisipan kong magsulat[magtype]. Wlang laman itong post na ito kaya kung ako tlaga sau, ndi ko na cya babasahin....
Sagana sa problema ang isang taong tulad ko. Marahil ito'y dahilan ng sobrang pagdidimdim ko sa lahat ng nangyayari sa akin. Ewan ko ba. Hanggang ngaun nababagabag ako sa lahat ng sakit at sugat na natamo ko sa tinatahak kong buhay na ito. Kahit anung gawin ko, hindi ko talaga maturuan na magbago ang puso kong punong puno na ng paghihinagpis at kalungkutan. Hindi lang namn ako ang may ganitong problema. Alam ko na marami sa mundong ito ang nakararanas ng damdaming tulad nito. Bata pa ako, alam ko yan. Kaya nga marahil ay nao-oayan na kau sa akin. Wala pa sa tmang oras upang magdimdim at magseryoso sa mga bagay-bagay na maihahalintulad natin sa pag-ibig. Ang alam ko nga dapat ay nakatutok ako ngaun sa aking pag-aaral. Pero anu pa nga ba ang magagawa ko. E kung sa tumibok ng maaga to eh. Masaya nman ako sa kung anung meron ako. Hindi ko man nababanggit, malaki ang pasasalamt ko sa Diyos sa uri ng buhay na ibinigay nya sa akin. Mahal ko ang mahal ko at mahal din nman ako ng mahal ko, kuntento na ako doon. Hindi nman cguro magulo lahat ng pinagsasasabi ko dito. Natural kaakibat nitong pag-ibig na ito ay ang sakit na nararamdaman ko(parang inulit ko lang ah). Matagal ko ng ninanais na mawala lahat ng pagdududa at pagaalinlangan sa puso ko. Alam nman ng isip ko kung ano ang katotohanan. Nasaksihan nman ng mga mata ko at narinig ng mga tenga ko, ang lahat ng nangyari at ang lahat ng mga salitang binitiwan ng bawat isa sa amin. Sa kabila ng lahat ng ito, hindi ako nawawalan ng dahilan para maging masaya. Maraming bagay sa mundo ang maaaring makapagpangiti sa mumunti kong mga labi, kaya nga hindi ako nauubusan ng halakhak. Alam ko na sa kabila ng mga luhang pumapatak sa aking mga mata ay may kaakibat na kasiyahan na makapagpangingiti muli sa mata kong namamaga.
Masayado ng mahaba ang aking pinagsususulat dito. Siguro tinatamad na rin ikaw basahin ang post na ito. Kaya nman dito na nagtatapos ang walang kwentang isinulat ko. Pero bago ang lahat, nais ko lamang magpasalamat sa paglalaan mo ng oras sa aking blog. Mag-iwan ka ng tag ah. Nagmamakaawa na ako [jowk lng.. hindi nman ako ganun kadesperada xp]. Sige hanggang dito na lamang ang lahat.... paalam na sa iyo
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date/time петак, 16. јануар 2009.,19:30
[taking sides] and making Decisions
it is really tough to make a
Decision
especially when the involves the people you
Love and Treasured the most
...but...
which side will I choose..
MINE? or the OTHERS?
of course in creating decisions you look on both sides
but sometimes looking on both sides makes it Harder to decide
what our decision will be...
will you care for the others sake?
while you silently sit at the side[hurt]?
or
will you choose your own happiness
and will never mind others?
still, it is really a big ? for me
what step or move will i take...
but i know whatever that is..
will make me happy with no regrets
-cute little piggybank-
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date/time недеља, 11. јануар 2009.,07:05
i'm awaken!!
 "its been a long time since i started to sleep in my nightmares. Deep in my slumber i new i was dreaming but now, it feels so good to be awaken."
i knew once inside that something's missing right here in my life or should i say someone. Now? I'm complete, satisfied and could not ask for more.
i thought that my happiness will never come back to me. For months now, i've been used to living in dreams and nightmares. I'm used to crying out all night and screaming with no one to turn to. I had accepted the fact that in life, people come and go, things change.. or like what sumone says "there's nothing stable in human affairs" which was always proven to be true. Even though I already accepted the truth, the pain still pierce inside of me. Creating a deep hole in my heart tearing it into pieces. I've once said that, i'm pulvorized, alone and incomplete. But then, i started to see life beyond the problems, betrayals and heartaches. That no matter how tough evrything may be.. there will be GOD to help me through. And so i learned to move on. I learned to move and fight my nightmares. I learned to trust GOD and to follow evrything on his will.
Where am i now? Completely awaken, and thankful that i had fought back. I had regained what was used to be mine and known the people to be treasured the most. I know somewhere inside me learned sumthing from my long long sleep. Trials aren't given by the Lord to tell or prove to you, that you are weak. It's never meant to be the punishment but the nourishment. Without these we will never ever learn to be strong, to fight and to accept the wrongs that we have done. Like what a famous saying says, "Life without a discourse is unworthy of a man". Life has no meaning if it has no downs. We will never consider it worthy or worthwhile without it. Though we may wish for a perfect life, God will continue to give us these trials to make us strong and prepared for everything. "reading maketh a full man... DISCOURSE A READY MAN..."
"i know here in my life, i will encounter enormous obstacles that may hinder my happinness, but it doesn't mean that i'll stop being strong and jolly. Right now. im awaken and i dont care for what happens to the future for as long as i'm happy in my present and as long as i am in the right track. I know in this journey God is with me and will never ever let me fall."
anyway back to the main topic:
i am soooooo... happy that you came back to my life now. IM COMPLETE NOW!!! I had never imagine my life without you. Im awaken from my nightmare and i've come back to reality where i have you in my arms.. hope this will last forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever...... :P
-feels so good to be awaken :Piggy bank-
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date/time петак, 9. јануар 2009.,08:04
the UNBROKEN friendship?
"A lot of things sure comes into my mind right now... and it bothers me so much, what become of this treasure we {had?} have, now that there were a lot of things that lock us up away.. sealed a million miles apart" FRIENDSHIP is a distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other's sake, and that involves some degree of intimacy. "A HARD STEEL" is that how strong we were? but now we're nothing but a rusted iron in the freezing cold of the north and the south pole. Is this the symbol of a relationship that has been broken? Ive once promise myself that i would not let anything happen to this relationship, but now what? I'm not really sure of what is happening to the both of us, but i can feel the wind of treacherous and hate. I'm afraid so much. Not only because I might loose you but also gain an enemy.
I define a friend as the one whom you can always count on. The one who will slap you in the face to make you realize the truth. The one who never forsake, never steal, never lie and never ever betray. The one who forgive, who love and who understand. Always speaks for the truth and help you through(supports you.. in short). It's not exactly the happy moments ur with but with the challenges you both faced, facing and will be.
How strong and how true are we right now? Do we still need to pretend that there's nothing wrong or we should know the problem and face the consequences of our actions? I don't want to hold grudges to you and I hope you feel the same. I am protecting something in here. It is the spirit of the moments we shared. The promises that i don't want to be broken. Where are you and where am i? I just can't seem to see you same as you can't see me.
How will we be able to solve an unknown problem? There's a need for us to find it out. I dont want to leave this place with memories that keeps on making me down. I don't want to feel this certain coldness when i'm with you. Are you angry or not? Am i angry or not?
Our relationship right now.. undefined? unknown? or none at all? I guess i have to act, to move. But how? Where will i get the guts to confront you and asks the problem? but i was just thinking..
SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING WEVE BEEN THRU. if werejust gonna let it all fly away. Do you still value this friendship we have built, or after what happened you don't care anything about it after all?
Is this the sign of a BROKEN friendship? a lot of questions, still left unknown and unanswered. When? when will the truth prevail? When will it show? and when will it be answered? Why? why did this happen? I guess, this always be what it was if we continue to hide the problem inside. Stop being bitter? I know we'll get thru this. -piggy bank... so many questions-
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